The First Step of Freedom Isn’t a Step
It is possible to listen without hearing.
It is also possible to speak without communicating.
I can think of many times in my walk with Father God where He spoke to me, but I didn’t hear very well. There were also times I spoke to Father and gave it “all” to him, yet I wasn’t fully communicating with Him.
Why would I do that when I love Jesus and Father God? I didn’t understand there was an invisible barrier that paced and gauged our fellowship and intimacy. I tricked myself into believing that hearing was listening. Just as we often hear the television in the background without listening, so I heard God’s messages without really listening. Additionally, I spoke about things in my life with God but somehow, the same barrier kept me from sharing myself. The vulnerability necessary for communication just wasn’t there. Was I purposely not being honest and real?
I WAS HIDING BEHIND THE FACTS
I was talking honestly about my life and circumstances. Perhaps that is why I was self-deceived. I was hiding behind the facts and thereby pacing the depth of the conversation. In doing so, I wasn’t sharing how I felt. Facts felt safer. By choosing to share facts, I distanced myself from anything I perceived as uncomfortable. It was hard to say that I felt very small in a big world or felt like life and people could spin out of control. I kept that part of my soul hidden away, even from myself. I feared facing my neediness. I may have communed with God, but often I did not bring my emotions and fears or neediness into God’s presence. Subconsciously, I ventured into His presence, evaluating and testing. I think I stayed there for years, decades even; fearful of something, but not even sure what. I shared a piece of my soul and evaluated how safe I was before becoming more vulnerable.
I was persuaded that God loved me and that God is good “all the time.” Yet, unknowingly, I feared that in the light of God’s love, I would see all my failures and disappointments. There was a lying suspicion that God would show me some awful, hurtful, disgusting sin or something about my character or performance, or lack thereof, that would be demoralizing, punishable. Subconsciously, fearing that because I am not perfect, nor is my behavior, the truth of my defects would be unbearable. The fear was never framed in a concrete thought, just a sneaking foreboding tucked away in my soul behind religious conversations.
CONFIDENTLY APPROACH GOD
Interestingly, this did not infiltrate my thoughts but tumbled around in my soul, leaching out a quiet and dreadful fear that stifled my fellowship with God. Many of us get stuck here, and never experience the fullness of what God has for us in this journey. I wanted and needed to see myself based on who I was in Christ, but the world had taught me to evaluate myself based on performance, popular culture, and people’s approval. THE ONLY WAY WE CAN CONFIDENTLY APPROACH GOD IS THROUGH A RENEWED VIEW OF OURSELVES AS NEW CREATIONS. While my flesh feared scrutiny, the Spirit was willing and working in me to enter into God’s perfect love, knowing that God would show me I was a new creation in Christ.
GOD MADE ME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF CHRIST
I cannot offer you some simple “break free” steps or prayer. In the end, the first step to freedom isn’t a step. It is a revelation of the truth that you are secure as a son or daughter of the Most High God. My new confidence to be honest and real and bring all of me to God (spirit, soul, and body), was knowing that I was free from the power of sin because the old man was crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20). CONFIDENCE IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD WAS FRUIT FROM KNOWING THAT GOD MADE ME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF CHRIST. Once the Holy Spirit opened the eyes of my heart and soul to see that Christ’s life was my life (Colossians 3:4), I came to know through revelation that I am a new creation, a beloved child who was safe in God’s heart. Fear started to evaporate as the Spirit anchored me in that truth, and courage materialized in unguarded fellowship with the Father.
I AM ALREADY ACCEPTED AND ACCEPTABLE
The barrier to communion with the Father dissolved because I came already accepted and acceptable, with my sins already removed as far as the east is from the west and no reflection or counting of my every failure or shortcoming. God did not consider me after the flesh (2 Corinthians 5:16), allowing me to lower the invisible and unnecessary shield in my soul. I didn’t need to enter God’s presence with a pretense of having it all together. I could puke out my true soulish thoughts, feelings, and fears. I can rant. I can sigh. I can cry. I can laugh. I can come as I am. “Christ is all and in all” (Colossians 3:11), and He will be all things unto me.
A BETTER EXPRESSION OF CHRIST
Guess what happened when I approached God in this new freedom? Rather than shame or defeat, there was such compassion and love and tender kindness. He said, “My child, you are righteous; you belong to me. Everything will be okay.” Words cannot express the depth of the goodness of God, but His gentle love changed me so much that my life has become a better expression of Christ.
HIS PRESENCE IS THE ONLY SAFE PLACE
I have discovered that His presence is the only truly safe place where I am free from rejection, ridicule, nit-picking, fault-finding, criticism, careless words, self-judgment, or the need to perform for love. These are behaviors of man, not God the Father. With God, we are safe, loved, accepted, and welcomed. I discovered that He already knows my weaknesses and doesn’t despise my failures or ignorance, but through His great compassion, He is my ever-present help. HIS PRESENCE OFFERS TRUE INTIMACY WITH PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING WHICH QUIETS OUR SOUL, CALMS OUR FEARS, AND STRENGTHENS US IN THE INNER MAN TO FACE LIFE WITH HOPE AND PEACE. Peace is the gift received in fellowship with Father.
Knowing how difficult it was to push past lying fear and relentless foreboding, I want to encourage you to enter God’s presence prayerfully vulnerable, with no invisible barrier. Your biggest fears will not be realized. God will show you that you are the righteousness of Christ, accepted, loved, cherished, understood, known, and safe.
GOD IS FOR US
“What about my sin?” you say. It was in the presence of Christ’s love and protection that Jesus said to the adulterous women, “Go and sin no more.” Knowledge of Christ’s love for her was the first step in saying no to sin. God is for us and wills and works His power and life in and through us to say no to sin. If we avoid Him out of fear, we miss out on His enablement to say no to sin. In His presence is the fullness of joy, healing, and victory over behaviors, feelings, and negative thought patterns. It is there you see yourself wholly bound to Him, transformed from glory to glory.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.