My five-year-old grandson was with me on my grandma’s day. We played rock-em sock-em robots. We overcame an impasse while playing because Ridley didn’t want grandma to use her robot hands to protect my robot head. I didn’t particularly appreciate being punched in my robot’s face without fighting back. After some back and forth, he relented and said I could use my robot hands too. We knocked each other’s heads off until we were bored. Then we moved on to cars and Bakugans before I started lunch.
He approached me while I prepared his sandwich and softly said, “Gummi.” I crouched down, sensing his seriousness, and said, “Yes, darling.” “I miss my sister,” he said in a hollow voice. (She passed away twenty-one months earlier.) What a weight for such a little boy. I looked at him and said, “Me too.”
There were two hearts, one young and one old, with an overwhelming ache. I scooped him up in my arms and gave him a hug that started out for him but ended up ministering to me. We decided to read books. I read more children’s books that day than I have ever had the patience to read.
When hearts ache, the ministry of presence is powerful. I didn’t have answers or anything to offer my grandson, but I had love, tears, and time. We had the quietest day together, and our souls were better for it.
We are often tempted to think great words will console people, but caring presence is the most helpful thing we can do for each other in times of loss and grief.
When it comes to grieving, little people can get overlooked. Children grieve too, but it is hard to detect because most of their world is pretend, which easily distracts them. While their pretend world may camouflage their grief, their sorrow lingers in their little souls and is very real.
Here are a few tips to help grieving children:
- Give them lots of love and recognize that not all behavior is rebellious. It is likely anger and fear spilling out in immature ways. When they are angsty, give them more time and love.
- Grief takes time. The soul cannot be rushed to process powerful emotions. Some painful emotions may surface weeks, months, and years later. When they do, validate the delayed feelings and grief as if the loss were yesterday.
- Grief takes tears. Rather than storing tears and grief, it is best to move through powerful emotions as they come to the surface of our souls. As you work through your sorrow, showing your children your tears will help them process their feelings and shed their tears when they surface.
Lastly, it is tempting to try to protect children from harsh realities, which is usually best. When it comes to the death of a loved one, it is best to avoid protective half-truths. Children are sensitive and intelligent. They will fill the other half of the story with imaginative beliefs that are usually more frightful than losing their loved one. They do not need graphic details, just simple, reassuring facts. Tell them what to expect because the fear of the unknown causes anxiety. Tell them what to expect from others, at the funeral if it applies, changes that will happen, things that will stay the same, and that their emotions are normal and okay. Children can heal and laugh again with love, time, and tears.
#healingfreedomvictory